The Dildo Goddess

Desperate housewife Eva Longoria gives all of her friends the best presents ever—the gift that keeps on giving—the gift of orgasms. Eva said she gives vibrators as gifts because she believes the greatest gift is for a woman to be able to pleasure herself. And since she never had an orgasm until she bought her first sex toy, she knows what she’s talking about!

A recent Italian study shows that couples with a television in their bedroom have 50% less sex than those who don’t.

Serenella Salomoni studied 523 Italian couples and found that those without a television in the bedroom have sex an average of twice a week, but those with one have sex only once.

Oddly enough, for some reason couples who watch reality shows in bed seem to have more sex than those who watch other shows. I guess there’s something about people eating rats in the jungle or The Donald firing apprentices that really makes viewers horny!

London couple Mojgan Azari and Omid Amidi-Mazaheri should have kept their sadomasochistic tendencies in the bedroom.

Everyone hates dentists, and here’s another reason why—Azari allowed her boyfriend to work on 600 of her patients, which wouldn’t be so bad if he were actually a dentist too. Amidi-Mazaheri drilled patients without anesthesia and inserted fillings that crumbled in patients’ mouths.

Some like it rough—but not that rough.

You may not be able to get the tape, but at least you can find screen caps.

Peter Sarsgaard hosted “Saturday Night Live” last night and although the episode mostly sucked (through no fault of Peter’s—the writing was bad), it was still enough to really get The Dildo Goddess worked up. He’s done some great work in movies—like “Boys Don’t Cry,” “Garden State” and “Flightplan”—plus he’s great eye candy.

Rumor has it that he will appear in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair magazine—getting freaky in S&M gear.

No more Apple Blythe Alison Martin. Stop it with the Jermajesty Jackson. And the same goes for Pilot Inspektor Lee, Jett Travolta, and Banjo Griffiths.

Bob Geldof’s 16-year-old daughter is making a desperate plea to celebrities to, for the love of God, give their children normal names!

And wouldn’t you if your name was Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof?

Peaches in not the only one in the Geldof clan with a ridiculous name—her sisters are Fifi Trixibelle Geldof, Pixie Geldof and her half sister is Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lilly Hutchence (daughter of auto-asphyxiation victim Michael Hutchence).

Raise your hand if you still think Bob’s crazy performance in “The Wall” was just acting?

You know that fantasy where you dress up like a nurse, pretend your bed is a gurney and fuck like a medical bunny all night? Well, hold on to your bedpans, because a group of student nurses in South Africa lived their fantasy in the hospital where they studied—in a children’s ward no less.

A mother visiting her sick child at Charles Johnson Memorial Hospital said she heard “huffing and puffing” and then saw 2 female and 3 male nurses having group sex. When she complained to them, she was dismissed and told that sex couldn’t be anything new to her, and the nasty nurses continued fucking.

All 5 nurses were expelled from school and are appealing the decision.

Double Dong Harness

A customer from Los Angeles: It is almost as good as Addi's
Cock. If you and your man are feeling more adventurous, the
Double Dong Harness may be for you. People love it!

A customer from Texas: Harder! Harder! SO this what it feels
like to be a woman and getting fuck up the ass. ever since my girl friend bought
this we are haveing a load of fun and now she wants to have group sex with me
and a shit load of women heeee haaaa.

A customer from Dallas, TX: When my wife straps this, with
the 3" dildos in her pussy, she is ready to give it to me in the ass. I love
the feeling, too! It is no wonder that my wife likes it in the ass!!!

A customer from London: I asked my wife if I could have anal
sex with her and her response was "only if I can do you first". She was not
expecting me to take her up on the offer so her face was a picture when I produced
the double dong. She was a bit uncomfortable with the idea at first but after
our first session when she lubed me up and gave me a fantastic orgsam we've
never looked back. In fact I enjoy her doing me more than me bumming her.

 

How can I put this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve
There's a rumor goin' all round that you ain’t been gettin' served
They say that you ain’t you know what
In baby who knows how long
It's hard for me to say what's right
When all I wanna do is wrong

Get off - 23 positions in a one night stand
Get off - I'll only call you after if you say I can
Get off - let a woman be a woman and a man be a man
Get off - if you want to baby here I am (Here I am)

I clocked the jizz from a friend
Of yours named Vanessa Bet (Bet)
She said you told her a fantasy
That got her all wet (Wet)
Something about a little box with a
Mirror and a tongue inside
What she told me then got me so hot
I knew that we could slide

Get off - 23 positions in a one night stand
Get off - I'll only call you after if you say I can
Get off - let a woman be a woman and a man be a man
Get off - if you want to baby here I am (Here I am)

Get off (Get off)

1 2 3 - Nah, little cutie, I ain't drinkin' (Get off)
Scope this, I was just thinkin'
You + me, what a ride
If you was thinkin' the same
We could continue outside (Get off)
Lay your pretty body against the parkin' meter
Strip your dress down
Like I was strippin' a Peter Paul's Almond Joy
Lemme show you baby I'm a talented boy

Everybody grab a body
Pump it like you want somebody

Get off (Get off)

So here we-so here we-so here we are, here we are (G-G-Get off)
In my paisley crib
Whatcha want to eat? "Ribs"
Ha, toy, I don't serve ribs...
You better be happy that dress is still on
I heard the rip when you sat down

Honey them hips is gone
That's alright, I clock 'em that way
Remind me of something James used to say...

"I like 'em fat"
"I like 'em proud"
"Ya gotta have a mother for me"
Now move your big ass 'round this way
So I can work on that zipper, baby
Tonight you’re a star
And I'm the big dipper

(Kick it)

(Get off)

(Get off)

How can I put this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve (Get off)
There's a rumor goin' all round that you ain’t been gettin' served (Get off)
They say that you ain’t you know what
In baby who knows how long (Get off)
It's hard for me to say what's right
When all I wanna do is wrong

Get off - 23 positions in a one night stand
Get off - I'll only call you after if you say I can
Get off - let a woman be a woman and a man be a man
Get off - if you want to baby here I am

Come on

Get off
Get off
Get off
Get off
Get off
Get off
Get off
Get off

-Prince

Oz. Christopher Meloni nude. Enough said.